Improving Your Communication Style
What type of communicator are you in your relationships? Becoming aware of the type of communicator YOU ARE can help you to understand better how it is affecting your relationship with others, either at work with colleagues or in your personal relationships. Oftentimes, couples attend therapy sessions full well knowing that something needs to change in the manner that they interact with and communicate with their partner. “Would you speak to a friend like that?’’
Assertive communicators are able to ask for what they need in a calm and clear manner without belittling others in the process. They are able to use active listening without interrupting others. Assertive communicators are viewed as self-confident and are also conscious of the tone of voice they use. It is non-threatening and even tempered. This communication style is considered the most effective one. Assertive communicators make use of “I” statements which prevents the other person from feeling blamed. “ I feel” instead of “ you always”. It is a positive style of communication.
Aggressive communicators, on the other hand can sound threatening, the voice is often loud and overbearing where the other person can’t get a word in edgewise. People perceive aggressive communicators as hostile and the message they are trying to send gets lost in the way they are delivering it. People often find this style of communicating intimidating. This style of communication is considered the least effective, and it is suggested to avoid this style of communication.
The Passive Communicator is perceived to be a people pleaser. They are uncomfortable stating their needs clearly and don’t know how to ask for what they need in a clear manner. Their tone of voice can sound shaky, sometimes the volume is so low you can barely hear them. These types of passive communicators like to avoid conflict at all costs. They may be perceived as self-effacing, and they come across as insecure in their delivery, they may start to become resentful of not being heard. Sometimes their ideas become overlooked as no one hears them or they may be ignored.
Passive-aggressive communicators switch from passive to aggressive styles of communication. They may seem docile on the outside, but there is resentment simmering underneath. They may be sarcastic, start showing negative habits such as gossiping or starting rumours about others. This is seen as a most negative and toxic communication style which can cause great distress in relationships and on teams. It is considered a very disruptive style of communication.
Try to aim for an assertive style of communication. It may help you to avoid unnecessary conflicts, get your message across in a clearer way, and overall improve your relationships. Make use of “I’ statements to avoid placing the blame on others and be aware of your tone of voice as well. Pay attention to your body language as well. Do you appear calm or are you fists clenched? Developing a new style of communication takes time and may feel unnatural at first, not only to you, but to others who are used to you interacting in a certain way. Hang in there. It will improve your relationships at work and personally within your romantic relationship. If you feel you need more guidance as you continue to develop these skills, don’t hesitate to reach out and talk to a counselor or therapist.
